Thoughts

          I have been thinking a lot lately about how I may have come off and if it might put anyone out.  I know that I can be blunt from time to time.  A habit that I have tried to break repeatedly and that it might make me come off as rude or loud at times.  Sometimes I have felt like I have come off as a bully in some ways.  As an adult, however, I have grown to be more passive and quiet.  I have been told at times that that has put off a few people because I often don't speak until I am comfortable in a certain situation.
          For the majority of my adult life, it seems as though people have made an honest effort to get to know me, but after a while they kind of distance me off to the point that I haven't seen very many people for a while.  Except for at weddings, reunions, or some funerals too.  I guess in some cases of Autism, people do seem to distance themselves in society, but not in my case.  I always do better when I am in society, and working in some way.  I understand that people move on, get married, and have family's and that they shouldn't have to worry about keeping me happy.  However, I do get depressed when everybody else has moved on, and I can't.  I have done my best to get an education, get a job and function on my own.  I do need more help then others do, however, because I literally do everything slower then others, and they often get put out because of it.
          I have felt that I need to try and change things about my life, so that I can go on and live my life.  I kind of feel that a repentance process is in order for me to go on.  I don't mean to put anyone out and if I do, I hope they realize that I suffer with this disorder as much, if not more then everyone else around me.  I am not sure how much of myself comes out when I get frustrated about something, or how much of a burden that puts on people, but I am suspecting that it does because I just spend most nights in my own world, just writing, reading, or watching TV, or a movie.  I know that things need to change for me, otherwise I know I am going to be a bigger burden on my family.  I can live on my own, and I can make friends, and have relationships, and I can work, and have a career.  I need a little more help then others, but it is possible for me to function as a normal person.  If I have put anyone else, who reads this, I will say that I am sorry.  I do hope that I can move on with my life, and have more of a life then I am having now.  I hope other's haven't been offended by me as well, or if I have I hope they can forgive me.  I have gotten to a point where I mean what I say, and I can take responsibility for it so if any one has been offended I hope they can tell me.